This is something I wrote on Dec. 2003, i haven't read it since then. It just shows you my state of mind back then. I had just turned 18, six months prior to this event. enjoy
Dec 25 03
Christmas in Iraq. One hell of a phrase. Well it seems I received one of the best presents yet, an IED.
Nearly lost my life on this day. Thankful I am, to be sitting here, still breathing all intact. Maybe an emotional revelation. Realizes that life is priceless. There is nothing I can write to explain what I felt what I feel, even what I am thinking. I am going to attempt to explain all that I can, I really haven’t had the opportunity to contemplate tonight’s event. I don’t have the words. I don’t know what to think. I know that I am thankful to be alive. That is really all I can say or think. My mind is clogged. My emotions are stirred..
The biggest concern I have, is leaving this world without tying up a few loose ends. I don’t want to leave this place with any regrets and “I wonders?” what if. You can’t ask those questions before deaths comes knocking at your door. My life flashed in front of me. And I saw people that were upset with me. I cannot please everyone, not that I am out to please them all. The few people that I hold close to my heart, I just want them to know that I love them and that after tonight I learned to value the quality of life, yet I am in hell itself but life, life is not something you get to live twice. I just wish that things would be a little more clear now, to those who value me and my life and for those that I value.
I want to live a full life, I want to do all the things that I dream of. Sometimes I wish death upon myself or others, never will I do that again. I would not even consider the thought. Never could I say it. Because when something like this happens, your life flashes in front of you. And at that very moment you wonder, I hope so and so isn’t mad at me, I hope my parents are proud of me and the life that I led. My best friends I hope that they still hold me close in their hearts, maybe they will also understand , or think about what life would be like without me. I really don’t know what I am writing but I am just trying to sort things out, it wasn’t working in my head, maybe it will work through these keys. Yet maybe my heart will lead me, or maybe I will never find out. Maybe this is the way the story was written, easily I could have died tonight, whatever force was with me knew that I have big things ahead of me. I can’t go out this way. Maybe it wasn’t my destiny, if there is such a thing. I don’t know, I am not going to go and ramble on about all this I am just going to go to bed and try and sleep it off. I will still be here tomorrow and so will you. We will meet again. Several times I am sure. Maybe next time around you or I will have a solution. Until then I will never know. Maybe I don’t need to know, just live for tomorrow.
This day will be documented and never forgotten, I hope that I will learn a few things through this. Take it with me and leave the rest behind, the past is behind me, now I have to live for tomorrow, with more knowledge than yesterday I will carry what I have learned until the day I die.
Dec 25 03
Christmas in Iraq. One hell of a phrase. Well it seems I received one of the best presents yet, an IED.
Nearly lost my life on this day. Thankful I am, to be sitting here, still breathing all intact. Maybe an emotional revelation. Realizes that life is priceless. There is nothing I can write to explain what I felt what I feel, even what I am thinking. I am going to attempt to explain all that I can, I really haven’t had the opportunity to contemplate tonight’s event. I don’t have the words. I don’t know what to think. I know that I am thankful to be alive. That is really all I can say or think. My mind is clogged. My emotions are stirred..
The biggest concern I have, is leaving this world without tying up a few loose ends. I don’t want to leave this place with any regrets and “I wonders?” what if. You can’t ask those questions before deaths comes knocking at your door. My life flashed in front of me. And I saw people that were upset with me. I cannot please everyone, not that I am out to please them all. The few people that I hold close to my heart, I just want them to know that I love them and that after tonight I learned to value the quality of life, yet I am in hell itself but life, life is not something you get to live twice. I just wish that things would be a little more clear now, to those who value me and my life and for those that I value.
I want to live a full life, I want to do all the things that I dream of. Sometimes I wish death upon myself or others, never will I do that again. I would not even consider the thought. Never could I say it. Because when something like this happens, your life flashes in front of you. And at that very moment you wonder, I hope so and so isn’t mad at me, I hope my parents are proud of me and the life that I led. My best friends I hope that they still hold me close in their hearts, maybe they will also understand , or think about what life would be like without me. I really don’t know what I am writing but I am just trying to sort things out, it wasn’t working in my head, maybe it will work through these keys. Yet maybe my heart will lead me, or maybe I will never find out. Maybe this is the way the story was written, easily I could have died tonight, whatever force was with me knew that I have big things ahead of me. I can’t go out this way. Maybe it wasn’t my destiny, if there is such a thing. I don’t know, I am not going to go and ramble on about all this I am just going to go to bed and try and sleep it off. I will still be here tomorrow and so will you. We will meet again. Several times I am sure. Maybe next time around you or I will have a solution. Until then I will never know. Maybe I don’t need to know, just live for tomorrow.
This day will be documented and never forgotten, I hope that I will learn a few things through this. Take it with me and leave the rest behind, the past is behind me, now I have to live for tomorrow, with more knowledge than yesterday I will carry what I have learned until the day I die.
1 comment:
Yeah Santa must have been pissed off at us that day. I'll never forget about that shit.
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