Another un-edited journal entry from 2003
Why does death so often cross a persons mind? Am I the only one who contemplates the future? Is there an answer out there? Is death the answer? Why is it so easy to be a pessimist than to be an optimist? Why is it so hard to be nice, why do I have to go out of my way for another person? Am I the average human or am I being a conceited person? WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY? Why do “good things happen to good people?” Why are there so many self-help books out there, why does everything have to do with prosper? Why do we always have to be better than what we are, or who your parents are? Why do we have to be better than the person next to us is? WHY? Why do all there question cross my mind? Why do I feel like I am going to die soon? Why do I feel like someone is out to get me? Why do I feel like my day is marked, or better yet my head is marked? Is it the line of work I am in or is it just the nature of the human race? Why are 95% of the people I concerned with image? Is image everything? “Hey I lost 9 pounds in two weeks on the Atkins diet.” “Hey how do I look today, do I look fat in this?” All these questions, all the whys, who can answer these questions? Am I the only one that can, or is death going to answer my questions? Are these questions what give us purpose in life? Is everyone as I am? Does everyone ask these questions? Is death something that haunts a person daily?
Why should we have to walk around with the people that we love and hold close to us, and worry about the fact that maybe one of us could die today? Increasing the chances because of unnecessary habit, that cigarette I just threw down just took a day or more off my life, and increased the chance of me getting lung cancer, emphazema; and many other tobacco related illnesses for what? The disregard we have for the life that we live, yet I am so concerned about life and being able to live it. I increase my chance of dying by lighting a smoke. I also increase my chance of dying each day that I get in a car, with each thing that I eat, maybe I do not chew it well enough and I choke to death. Why is this, the kind of things that I think about daily, hourly, and constantly?
Will I ever be able to live that life that everyone strives to live? Will I ever have children and a beautiful wife? Will I have the things that I have never dreamt about? But yet the things I want in life? Some one give me the answer, because if not, take me out of this damn life and put me to rest, because anyone who doesn’t have the chance to live a full life might as well be taken from this misery.
3 comments:
Hey Zach,
My name is Kris. I came across your site by way of Mr. Cline's. I've found your experiences as put down in writing to be pretty insightful, and look forward to seeing what else you've got.
If you wouldn't mind me asking some questions about your time in Iraq, and also about what you've come across in the Army...The kinds of questions will be pretty basic, like why did you decide to join? Has your experience changed the way you perceive the military and war? Etc. If you do not wish the online interview, I am more than happy to not bring it up.
Grace and peace sir,
-K.Heiple
ask away....
Alright, thanks for taking the time.
Well, like I said before
1) Why did you decide to join the Army? What ideas or convictions did you have about the institution before joining, and also about taking part in war, and have those ideas and convictions changed?
2) Are you a Christian? If not, are you of another faith? Was your faith and the ethics of your faith integrated some way into your life in the Army? And if not, what does the Army see it's ethos and mission as? Are all the folks really out to protect the glory of America, God and country that sort of thing, or is it messier than that?
grace and peace man,
-kris
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